Debt Collectors and The Art of Lying

Five years ago, I sat at home and started having these nightmarish chest pains.  After trying, in vain, to cope with them, I was taken to the ER where they discovered a gall stone the size a ping pong ball. I was told it had to come out before my gallbladder ruptured. So, despite having no insurance and only a part time job at the university, I went under the knife and the offending organ was swiftly removed.

The shadow of that surgery has hung over my head ever since. It took the ugly form of a debt I couldn't pay. It grew like a monster into legal action that I was told I couldn't fight and there was nothing I could do about it. It matured into the monster called garnishment on the paycheck for the first real job I was able to get after I graduated college. It has languished like a tyrant these last two years.

I started the long and arduous journey of having this debt paid off as soon as I could (i.e. last tax return season). I started making phone calls and asking questions. It was then that I encountered the real face of the monster known as debt; the man behind the curtain, if you will. My credit report showed a debt management company as the contact for the debt. Of course, I called them. I enthusiastically and positively approached this encounter believing I would slay the monster and be able to move along with my life.

I was blindsided when the agent on the other end of the line started throwing numbers out that were considerably more than my credit report showed. I was confused and distraught. I couldn't pay that much. I didn't have that much to give them. They held firm to this position that I owed almost twice what was being reported. They gave me all these very sensible sounding reasons; legal fees, court costs, interest, etc.etc. But that didn't change the fact that I didn't have the amount that they wanted from me. 

It had to wait another year. Another year of watching my paycheck vanish into unknown coffers. It was another year of not knowing how much money I was actually making. It was another year in the shadow of the monster.

Fast forward to this years tax season.

Once again I am bright eyed and optimistic about finally getting out from under this thing.  I have checked my credit report again and the amount has gone down! There really is money being paid to this debt! Hallelujah!

Again, I start making phone calls.  I call the contact information on the report and once again I feel like I am kicked in the chest as I encounter the soulless creatures that work for this company. They are still claiming I owe them almost twice what is being reported.  I offer them what I have, which is exactly enough to pay off what is on my credit report.  They reject the offer.  This year the excuse are different.  I become upset and feel like I am being fed a load of lies, but they still sound so reasonable and logical.  There I am upset and devastated that I might not be able to take care of this the way I thought I would. And this year there's a wedding to get ready for as well.

I felt like the weight was never going to let off my chest.

I eventually just hung up the phone after having three people reject my offering.  Telling me there is no way they can accept anything less than this larger amount.  There is no settlement to be made. There is no room for negotiating.  It was just so cold.

But it didn't feel real.  It didn't seem right somehow. It left a bad feeling in my stomach.

We started digging around.  If that company controlled my debt the way they implied, there probably was nothing I could do. But they didn't own the debt. The clinic still owned the debt.  They said I didn't have to pay through that company and yes they had heard the stories about them before.  And the amount I owed was not on penny more than my credit report stated.  They had lied and tried to get THEIR fees paid out of MY pocket.  Well, that didn't work out this time.  My debt is paid and they won't get one red cent from it.  

They lied and manipulated and did everything they could to scratch money out of me that I didn't owe. If you find yourself in a position similar to this one, start asking questions.  Questions like "who owns my debt?" and  "what is their contact information?"  You are able to get a free credit report online. Print one out and find out who the original debtor is before giving money to a company that may actually be just hired guns and out to take you for everything they can. The internet can be used for good.  Research the company that is contacting you or trying to get you to pay a debt through them.  Protect yourself and your money.

-Nerdy Goth Girl

I Found My Parenting Barametor

Scary Mommy is a blog that I happened upon not through idle web scouring or frustration fueled parenting woes.  Nope. I found this bastion of parenting madness and mayhem by first stumbling onto her book "Confessions of a Scary Mommy" while trolling through the iTunes book store.  I was scrolling along and paused at the  title and thought, "Oh yeah. This book is totally for me." Those five simple words promised a book full of either humor and wit and familiar experiences or bare faced psychological judgement followed by self medication via alcohol. The cover art strongly insinuated the former of these two options.
I was NOT disappointed!

Jill Smokler, the creator of Scary Mommy served up a book full of personal parenting experiences that made me think equal parts "I'm not doing too badly at this whole mothering thing" and "Why do I want a daughter again?".  I found myself wanting to reach out to pat her on the shoulder in sympathy and sisterhood while I read her stories of parenting survival and adaptation and evolution.  Because let's face it: there's no manual. We are all making this shit up as we go.  She opens her book with something I will share with my readers here called the Scary Mommy Manifesto:

•               I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.
• I shall not judge the mother in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&M's to her screaming toddler. It is simply a survival mechanism.
• I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. the only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.
• I shall shoot the parents of the screaming newborn on the airplane looks of compassion rather than resentment. I am fortunate to be able to ditch the kid upon landing. They, however, are not.
• I shall never ask any woman whether she is, in fact, expecting. EVER.
• I shall not question the mother who is wearing the same yoga, plants flip-flops, and t-shirt she wore to school pickup the day before. She has good reason.
• I shall never claim to know everything about children other than my own (who still remain a mystery to me).
• I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.
• I shall strive to pass down a healthy body image to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, dimples, cellulite, and all.
• I shall not preach the benefits of breast-feeding or circumcision or homeschooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It's none of my damn business.
• I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud mouthed, bikini-clad, water gun-shooting toddler of my very own.
• I shall remember that no mother is perfect and that my children will thrive because of, and sometimes even in spite of, me.

I shared her manifesto for a few reasons. One, I want to have an easy access version of it any time I am feeling judgmental of my fellow parents.  Two, there are some parents out there that I believe need to read this and try to take some of it to heart. I don't know for sure that they will read THIS but maybe someone will point it out to them. Who knows.  Three, I hope that this can be a gateway to the scary mommy website for any struggling parents I know. You may not ever show the world that you are so stressed out you want to scream. You may have secret parenting "flaws" that you are ashamed of. Whatever it is, this website will let you know that you are not alone.

Speaking of parenting "flaws" and not feeling like you are alone, the second best part about Jill Smokler's book was the "confessions". A section of her website is dedicated to allowing parents "confess" their sins/shames/secrets/what have you's anonymously. Each chapter in her book started with selected confession from the website. Some of them had me nodding in camaraderie having bee/felt/done the exact same thing.  Some of them had me laughing until tears ran down my face.  The most important thing I felt was this: It wasn't JUST me!!

So, I read the book. I frantically searched for the second book....which isn't out yet.  THEN I visited her site.  And will visit it frequently, I am sure. The hardest part of my early days as a parent was feeling so isolated in my experiences. I felt like I had no one to talk to about the things I struggled with  or feared or felt like a failure at.

I know that, like any parent out there, I am winging it. Every day I am able to put them to bed at night healthy and whole is one more day of success in my log book as a mom.  And seeing as I am considering walking down that road from the beginning one more time, I think having a community to turn to won't be a bad thing at all.  So, I hope you will find the same sense of relief that you aren't the "only one" and something that makes you laugh because sometimes, as parents, that's all we can do. Sit back, laugh, and enjoy the ride.

-Nerdy Goth

Money Making Scheme: Hey At Least I am Honest!

A peculiar witch dashes into the outlook.

That weird little sentence is the final step in helping me start to make some money off my blog and hopefully save me from the current retail displeasure that I am drowning in.  I don't know for sure if this will take off but the lease I can do is try and at least this one has some veracity to it.  So, you can wish me luck and keep reading the tidbits that I post or you can write me off and move along to brighter blogging pastures.  I hope you will stay with us because I get to pick what I write about. Some of it is likely to be irrelevant to the nerd culture or the parenting culture.  But I am also going to start drawing again soon.  The sooner I can find time to do that the better.  It won't be the same as it was before but I am going to do my best to bring back the funny.  Also, I am going to continue to blog about the conventions that we will be attending periodically throughout the year. The next one is Dallas Comic Con in May and DragonCon after that in August.  

So, yeah, I am going to do my thing and here's hoping I gain some readers or at least don't lose the ones I already have!!

-Nerdy Goth 

P.S.  heh heh I just notice the "randomly generated sentence" they gave me talks about witches! LOL

The Miracle of Birth? ::cue uncontrollable laughter::

My oldest nephew is in the hospital today with his partner and they are awaiting the birth of their first born son, Jaxxon. I love the kid and I named one son Niko and the other with a middle name that starts with X so I can't judge, but someone somewhere someday is going to ask why the hell he chose to spell it all weird like that.  But that is all beside the point.  It got me thinking. About parenting and the miracle of child birth (yes...miracle...that's the word everyone chooses).  

I found myself thinking that pregnancy and childbirth are really just the Campbell's condensed version of the whole life long experience that is parenting. It's a trial run before the full version is installed with all the bells and whistles....and tantrums and bodily fluids.

Let me clarify.

Pregnancy and Childbirth are scary and mysterious and miraculous and joyful.  They are also messy and dangerous and really damn disgusting and gross at times. There's vomit and blood and every other possible fluid the human body can create and excrete. They expose you to things you never thought you would ever have to face without vomiting or crying (and that's not to say you won't do either/both). They show you just how strong you can be as an individual and the strength of your partner AND your partnership.  There is anxiety of how you will survive, how you will keep this baby alive, and how you won't drive the people around you completely insane in the process. They bring families together and, whether you want it or not, they shove a support system down your throat that you may initially resent but will come to love and count on.  All of this remains true once your child is brought out to the light of day. All of this will remain true for the rest of your life. 

Especially the bodily fluids and anxiety part. 

Pregnancy and delivery are exhausting. You will be tired and you will want to cry (a lot), but you will keep on going because the finish line is riiiiight there. You will wonder what is going on with this creature you are growing inside you and what the hell it is doing to your body.  Parenting is pretty much the same...except the kid is on the outside now and eventually learns to talk back. You will still keep going and trucking along because now at least you have something to appreciate your hard work, right? Right.

So, you might think that pregnancy and delivery are the simple process of incubating a tiny human for nine months and then expelling it from your exhausted body. You would be only partially correct.  Those two things are the violent and sudden bash over the head temporary concussion that will  make the sleepless nights, copious amounts of bodily fluids (I really can't stress the bodily fluids part enough....it never really stops just gets marginally less disgusting), anxiety, joy, pride, and chest bursting love mixed with heart stopping terror over the next...well...lifetime seem like the most normal and temperate thing on the face of the planet. 

It's a wild ride no matter what.  And totally worth it.

To Zack and Courtney, hold on tight, kids, and you'll be fine.

To Jaxxon, give 'em hell and you will be AMAZING.

Con Life

So that title is a bit misleading but it's amusing.  Rather than referring to life as a convicted criminal, the title instead refers to attending conventions (mostly of the nerd variety).  We attended the Dallas Scifi expo this weekend at the Irving Convention Center.  The big draw this year were four stars from Back To The Future, Morena Baccarin (Firefly's Inara), assorted Battlestar Gallactica stars, and three of the actresses from The Walking Dead (Laurie Holden, Danai Gurira, and Emma Bell).

There were tons of cosplayers in the house and we were among them.  I was dressed as Doctor Who's Eleventh doctor (played by Matt Smith). The FH was dressed as the Tenth doctor (played by David Tennant). Megan was completely covered in doctor number four's massive scarf crocheted by her sister.  Jerry was the odd man out dressed as Mario.  We figured out much later that it would have been amusing as hell to have Jerry dress as Dr. Mario. Then we still would have had four doctors.  Hindsight is 20/20.  There were a LOT of Doctors in attendance.  I saw many a fez while we were there.  There was even the most awesome Junior Eleventh doctor who had legit Jelly Babies for our number four. There were some impressive Battlestar costumes and the requisite scantily clad chick cosplayers.  I think my favorite of the weekend was the female Loki.

The first day, we took full advantage of our VIP passes and got to meet Christopher Lloyd.  We didn't have the kind of cash to get everyone's signature that we would have otherwise, but we made good use of the "line jumps" that being VIP holders gave us. We decide to use our line jumps for other people.  I found a mom with six kids in tow and let her use one of my jumps.  Turns out, their babysitter had bailed on them at the last minute and she was on her own for the first day of con with all six tiny humans.  I used my second one for a gentleman in a wheel chair.  I used the next one for a could of kids to meet Danai. And my final one I used on Sunday when Laurie Holden's line was ridiculously long.  She wasn't able to be there on Saturday as she was busy shooting the season finale.  I didn't get signatures but I got to meet some of my idols and I got to help out other people.  That is pretty much the definition of win-win to me.

The panels were fantastic. Morena was hilarious and once again we found ourselves calling Nathan Fillion and leaving him a boisterous voicemail hello from the Dallas Scifi Expo.  My favorite part of the BTTF panel was the little girl that came to mic and thanked "Dr. Lloyd" for being her inspiration on her science fair project.  She won first place.  Lea Thompson looks FANTASTIC and doesn't seem to have aged a day.  She is bright and witty and charming.  Christopher Lloyd is getting on in years and I am thrilled to have had the chance to meet the man who made me believe the impossible was plausible if I put my mind to it.  Now to just keep remembering that.

Coming back to the real world after con is always a shock to the system. You spend days in this world where your eccentricities are seen as the norm. You get to dress as  your favorite characters.  You have the chance to see and speak to your idols.  And you get to do all of this in an environment of unquestioned acceptance.  Of course it's kind of a pain to go back to your mundane job and your mundane coworkers who look at you like you have grown a second head when you start talking about your nerd stuff.  But this is the reality of nerd life.  Once the panels are over and vendor booths are packed back up and the actors have gone, you have to go back to work and leave your compatriots in nerd life behind.

For me, it's also going back to job hunt. I had another interview today.  If I can get my computer to work with rather than against me on some software issues, then I may just have a shot at it.  If not, well....there's always the next one.

Back Into The Job Market (i.e. This is What Anxiety Looks Like)

It's been entirely too long since I have had any legitimate and/or promising leads on a new job. I HAVE a job but it isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. And in this economy, I am one of the impoverished majority that is ridiculously pleased to have any job whatsoever. On the flip side, the interview process is completely nerve wracking and makes me want to pull my hair out even though I plaster a smile on my face and hope that I sound even remotely as though I know what I am talking about. I always think that I do well but so far nothing has panned out. Today was promising. I really did know what I talking about and feel that I have a lot to bring to the table on this particular job while also being able to learn a lot and pad out my resume. Unless my references tank me (unlikely...although the current manager may or may not have been a good choice to add to the list), then I will be going for round two of the interview process on Wednesday.

I have also realized that I am sadly under equipped when it comes to interview clothes. I have a plethora of clothing that will be perfectly fine for an office job.  There's a regular army of cardigans to pair with a wide variety of demure tops, shells, and tanks to wear with my black and/or gray straight leg slacks or my Calvin Klein skinny slacks. However, I don't have much in the way of Earth Shatteringly Awesome Interview Clothes Guaranteed To Earn Me A Job.  There are no power suits or matching separates in my closet.  I have a pretty decent selection of dress shoes, though.  This is the sad unbalanced reality of my mostly empty walk-in closet. The FH has said something about finding my suitable interview clothes.

I think he may be as excited and nervous about this process as I am.  Almost. He's being very supportive in this terrifying endeavor. I know he won't care if I fail and will console me in case that happens. He's doing everything he can to make sure that I don't freak the F out or think myself into panicked tears.  So far, so good. While there is still anxiety, knowing that he has my back is keeping it to a dull roar.  Also, I am hearing more positive things in my head than negative these days. That has not always been the case. For a very very long time, I could not stop hearing the negative voices shouting from my past.  The FH has been quite successful in drowning those voices out.  

Anyway, so this job I interviewed for, it's not the greatest job in the world, but it's higher on the food chain (so to speak) than where I am now. And it's a foot in the door to an international company in the technology industry.  I know I am capable of doing the job and excelling at it.  I just need to be giving the opportunity to prove myself.  So, here's hoping they open the door and let me in.  

-Nerdy Goth Girl