Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Back Into The Job Market (i.e. This is What Anxiety Looks Like)

It's been entirely too long since I have had any legitimate and/or promising leads on a new job. I HAVE a job but it isn't what I want to do for the rest of my life. And in this economy, I am one of the impoverished majority that is ridiculously pleased to have any job whatsoever. On the flip side, the interview process is completely nerve wracking and makes me want to pull my hair out even though I plaster a smile on my face and hope that I sound even remotely as though I know what I am talking about. I always think that I do well but so far nothing has panned out. Today was promising. I really did know what I talking about and feel that I have a lot to bring to the table on this particular job while also being able to learn a lot and pad out my resume. Unless my references tank me (unlikely...although the current manager may or may not have been a good choice to add to the list), then I will be going for round two of the interview process on Wednesday.

I have also realized that I am sadly under equipped when it comes to interview clothes. I have a plethora of clothing that will be perfectly fine for an office job.  There's a regular army of cardigans to pair with a wide variety of demure tops, shells, and tanks to wear with my black and/or gray straight leg slacks or my Calvin Klein skinny slacks. However, I don't have much in the way of Earth Shatteringly Awesome Interview Clothes Guaranteed To Earn Me A Job.  There are no power suits or matching separates in my closet.  I have a pretty decent selection of dress shoes, though.  This is the sad unbalanced reality of my mostly empty walk-in closet. The FH has said something about finding my suitable interview clothes.

I think he may be as excited and nervous about this process as I am.  Almost. He's being very supportive in this terrifying endeavor. I know he won't care if I fail and will console me in case that happens. He's doing everything he can to make sure that I don't freak the F out or think myself into panicked tears.  So far, so good. While there is still anxiety, knowing that he has my back is keeping it to a dull roar.  Also, I am hearing more positive things in my head than negative these days. That has not always been the case. For a very very long time, I could not stop hearing the negative voices shouting from my past.  The FH has been quite successful in drowning those voices out.  

Anyway, so this job I interviewed for, it's not the greatest job in the world, but it's higher on the food chain (so to speak) than where I am now. And it's a foot in the door to an international company in the technology industry.  I know I am capable of doing the job and excelling at it.  I just need to be giving the opportunity to prove myself.  So, here's hoping they open the door and let me in.  

-Nerdy Goth Girl

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