Insomnia, Ear Infections, and Boredom

Yes I realize that these three things sound entirely random at first glance. However, upon deeper inspection....hmm....nope still unrelated to each other except that all three have happened today. Well, technically yesterday. This is where the insomnia part makes things a little squirrely.

Let's start from the beginning shall we? A call from the school nurse about your autistic son having an inflamed ear canal is a quick way to get you out of work and on the road. I love the child and all but he can be downright difficult when dealing with pain or unfamiliar sensations. An inflamed ear canal definitely falls under both those categories. I knew that if my deeply seated love for him was not enough to keep me from wanting to dose him with codeine laced cough syrup to stop the whining and crying, I can only imagine how the poor people at the Boys and Girls club were going to feel. Not to mention the other kids. And last but not least in my frenzied race to pick him up was the certain knowledge that clinic waits are always longer in the afternoons. Longer the way that I imagine the waiting room outside Hell would be: germ covered plague ridden strangers (I have some germ issues....), random unrestrained children, uncomfortable chairs, bad television with barely audible sound, too hot OR too cold, and always with a faint unpleasant odor you can't really identify.

I was not only 100% correct about the wait....and the conditions therein, but I had the added pleasure of extremely bored children. Two of them. Right there in the uncomfortable chairs next to me. Hungry, bored children that were so hungry and so bored that not even the barely audible episode of Sponge Bob was solace. I could fix one of their woes. I still had my snacks from work that I had been unable to consume. However, fate decided to pour salt in the tiny little wounds by sending in two slightly older boys carrying smartphones and clearly playing SOMETHING on them. Cue the longing looks at my phone; my phone with the dying battery. Nope. Not gonna happen, my tiny muchachos. 

There really is nothing sadder than a junior gamer nerd who is stuck in medical purgatory with no games. Alas, he was also cursed with a mother who's give a damn was just not working at that juncture. We were all suffering.

Some of us more than others obviously, but still.

Needless to say, by the time we got out of that office, we felt like prison parolees on our way to freedom from the big house. They were even happy to do their homework when we got home! It's the trials and tribulations that make us appreciate the little things in life, right kids?

So, the doctor confirmed that the eldest son has a raging ear infection and he gets to stay home today. He also gets to take the pink antibiotic which hasn't changed one iota since I was a child. I find this oddly comforting. You know the stuff: pink liquid amoxycillin. Has the consistency of a runny milkshake and tastes like the color pink (don't ask, I just have no other way to describe the flavor). It has to be refrigerated and is so damn potent that ingesting any more than two teaspoons every twelve hours is highly forbidden. Still exactly the same as it was 30 years ago when it was me taking it. When I initially filled the syringe with the medicine, eldest son became quite concerned and asked if it was a shot. I found this amusing and fought the urge to make some crack about jello.

He took the first round like a champ. He is not happy that he has to stay home from school today (weird kids, right?). He is excited to see his Nana this weekend (more on that later, but spoiler alert WE'RE GOING TO JACKSON). And he doesn't know it yet but he gets to run errands with mom this morning so not a total loss.

As for me, this will be a coffee fueled day. I have been awake since 2:30 in the morning. It took awhile, but I finally conceded that insomnia was winning the battle and decided to get out of bed. I chose "productivity" over "futility". I made a chore chart for the kids in the hopes that the promise of money in exchange for services rendered will convince them to do certain activities with far less feet dragging and whining.  Feel free to laugh now. It's okay. I am laughing, too. Although, in my case it may be sleep deprivation taking it's toll.

Hope you have a great Wednesday. It is Wednesday, isn't it?

-Nerdy (sleep deprived coffee fueled) Goth

Taking the Kids to Con

After a promising horror film on Netflix touting a red hooded girl snuggling a shotgun on the cover turned out to be in German (and I can't draw or write while also trying to read subtitles), I switched over to Mad Men.  I've admired the fashions in the ads from afar, it was time to dive in and actually watch the show. Five minutes into the show, I am pretty sure I would have gone to jail or been locked in an insane asylum.

"Try not to be overwhelmed by the technology. It looks complicated but the men who designed it made it simple enough for a woman to use." -Joan

What. The. Hell?

::Deep breath::

I don't live in that era. I don't live in that era. I don't live in that era.

Okay. Yep. Aside from the women's fashions, there is nothing that appeals to me as a woman from that era. Okay, the men's fashions were pretty swanky as well.  But despite the gorgeous styles for women and yummy men in suits, the misogyny would have prompted acts of verbal retaliation and potential physical assault. My determined stance of independence has been evidenced since childhood and continues into my adult years.

Some may call me combative, stubborn, or difficult (which can certainly be true). Others call me creative and funny and completely nerdy (absolutely true). These traits have served me well as a mother.  I don't allow the children to rule our house in the belief that time outs will win the day. However, we aren't total bummers as parents. We have introduced them to the wonders of things like Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who, and a plethora of other things within the nerd and geek culture. We are entering a new age level with our kids and video games have become a fixture for them to play on their own rather than simply watching us play our games. Their aunt and uncle bought them a Sega integrated game system. Simple old school games to get them ready for the more advanced game systems later on down the road. So, for now, they are toiling away at Sonic the Hedgehog. And when they get too far out of line for too long, they lose that privilege.

We are also hitting the age where the kids really want to go to conventions with us. This is a thrilling and anxiety ridden concept. I have seen the parents with a passel of small ones in attendance at conventions and marveled at both their bravery and their fortitude. I, quite plainly, would have lost my mind if I had chosen to drag both kids with me anywhere more complicated than the grocery store in their younger days. Now, they are aware and interested in many of the same things that we (the adults) are. They want to join us at conventions. And we want to take them. We want to put them in costumes and have people think they are fantastic tiny versions of beloved fictional characters. We are strongly leaning toward a tiny Captain Hammer and a tiny Doctor Horrible (they love that movie). Now, we just have to get those costumes together.

We will probably be taking them to Dallas Fan Days or Dallas Comic Con next year. There is also the Sci Fi Expo next February (sorry no link available yet). These are smaller, fantastic cons within driving distance. Eventually, I am sure we will be taking them to Dragon*Con in Atlanta, GA. But for now we want to start in the shallow end of the pool.  

Even the shallow end is scary for the first time. Our first trip was a learning experience for the adults. We learned that snacks are important. Walk talkies are handy when you know your group is going to get split up. Comfortable shoes are absolutely necessary. A good nights sleep doesn't hurt. Now, we have to take all these things that we have learned to survive and put them into effect for smaller, less patient humans...one of whom is autistic and easily distracted. If it weren't too frowned upon, I would seriously consider leashes on the boys. My greatest fear is not a melt down or a tantrum or anything like that. My biggest fear in taking the kids to con is looking around and seeing that they are gone; distracted by some shiny thing and wandered off to see it without saying a word. This is a valid concern if you have ever taken them to a store. "Ooooh Squirrel!" ::sigh:: All the time. So, yeah. I want to take them. I want them to enjoy the same level of oohs and aahs and OMG that's awesomes as we do when we attend. Now, I just have to figure out how to cope with/ manage the anxiety of taking them and keeping an eye on them.

Yes, I know I started this with Netflix disappointment followed by 1960's era man rage, but if you stayed with me to the end maybe you can offer some advice on how to take small humans to con. Or at least how to deal with the anxiety!

-Nerdy Goth

I Found My Parenting Barametor

Scary Mommy is a blog that I happened upon not through idle web scouring or frustration fueled parenting woes.  Nope. I found this bastion of parenting madness and mayhem by first stumbling onto her book "Confessions of a Scary Mommy" while trolling through the iTunes book store.  I was scrolling along and paused at the  title and thought, "Oh yeah. This book is totally for me." Those five simple words promised a book full of either humor and wit and familiar experiences or bare faced psychological judgement followed by self medication via alcohol. The cover art strongly insinuated the former of these two options.
I was NOT disappointed!

Jill Smokler, the creator of Scary Mommy served up a book full of personal parenting experiences that made me think equal parts "I'm not doing too badly at this whole mothering thing" and "Why do I want a daughter again?".  I found myself wanting to reach out to pat her on the shoulder in sympathy and sisterhood while I read her stories of parenting survival and adaptation and evolution.  Because let's face it: there's no manual. We are all making this shit up as we go.  She opens her book with something I will share with my readers here called the Scary Mommy Manifesto:

•               I shall maintain a sense of humor about all things motherhood, for without it, I recognize that I may end up institutionalized. Or, at the very least, completely miserable.
• I shall not judge the mother in the grocery store who, upon entering, hits the candy aisle and doles out M&M's to her screaming toddler. It is simply a survival mechanism.
• I shall not compete with the mother who effortlessly bakes from scratch, purees her own baby food, or fashions breathtaking costumes from tissue paper. Motherhood is not a competition. the only ones who lose are the ones who race the fastest.
• I shall shoot the parents of the screaming newborn on the airplane looks of compassion rather than resentment. I am fortunate to be able to ditch the kid upon landing. They, however, are not.
• I shall never ask any woman whether she is, in fact, expecting. EVER.
• I shall not question the mother who is wearing the same yoga, plants flip-flops, and t-shirt she wore to school pickup the day before. She has good reason.
• I shall never claim to know everything about children other than my own (who still remain a mystery to me).
• I shall hold the new babies belonging to friends and family, so they may shower and nap, which is all any new mother really wants.
• I shall strive to pass down a healthy body image to my daughter. She deserves a mother who loves and respects herself; stretch marks, dimples, cellulite, and all.
• I shall not preach the benefits of breast-feeding or circumcision or homeschooling or organic food or co-sleeping or crying it out to a fellow mother who has not asked my opinion. It's none of my damn business.
• I shall try my hardest to never say never, for I just may end up with a loud mouthed, bikini-clad, water gun-shooting toddler of my very own.
• I shall remember that no mother is perfect and that my children will thrive because of, and sometimes even in spite of, me.

I shared her manifesto for a few reasons. One, I want to have an easy access version of it any time I am feeling judgmental of my fellow parents.  Two, there are some parents out there that I believe need to read this and try to take some of it to heart. I don't know for sure that they will read THIS but maybe someone will point it out to them. Who knows.  Three, I hope that this can be a gateway to the scary mommy website for any struggling parents I know. You may not ever show the world that you are so stressed out you want to scream. You may have secret parenting "flaws" that you are ashamed of. Whatever it is, this website will let you know that you are not alone.

Speaking of parenting "flaws" and not feeling like you are alone, the second best part about Jill Smokler's book was the "confessions". A section of her website is dedicated to allowing parents "confess" their sins/shames/secrets/what have you's anonymously. Each chapter in her book started with selected confession from the website. Some of them had me nodding in camaraderie having bee/felt/done the exact same thing.  Some of them had me laughing until tears ran down my face.  The most important thing I felt was this: It wasn't JUST me!!

So, I read the book. I frantically searched for the second book....which isn't out yet.  THEN I visited her site.  And will visit it frequently, I am sure. The hardest part of my early days as a parent was feeling so isolated in my experiences. I felt like I had no one to talk to about the things I struggled with  or feared or felt like a failure at.

I know that, like any parent out there, I am winging it. Every day I am able to put them to bed at night healthy and whole is one more day of success in my log book as a mom.  And seeing as I am considering walking down that road from the beginning one more time, I think having a community to turn to won't be a bad thing at all.  So, I hope you will find the same sense of relief that you aren't the "only one" and something that makes you laugh because sometimes, as parents, that's all we can do. Sit back, laugh, and enjoy the ride.

-Nerdy Goth

The Miracle of Birth? ::cue uncontrollable laughter::

My oldest nephew is in the hospital today with his partner and they are awaiting the birth of their first born son, Jaxxon. I love the kid and I named one son Niko and the other with a middle name that starts with X so I can't judge, but someone somewhere someday is going to ask why the hell he chose to spell it all weird like that.  But that is all beside the point.  It got me thinking. About parenting and the miracle of child birth (yes...miracle...that's the word everyone chooses).  

I found myself thinking that pregnancy and childbirth are really just the Campbell's condensed version of the whole life long experience that is parenting. It's a trial run before the full version is installed with all the bells and whistles....and tantrums and bodily fluids.

Let me clarify.

Pregnancy and Childbirth are scary and mysterious and miraculous and joyful.  They are also messy and dangerous and really damn disgusting and gross at times. There's vomit and blood and every other possible fluid the human body can create and excrete. They expose you to things you never thought you would ever have to face without vomiting or crying (and that's not to say you won't do either/both). They show you just how strong you can be as an individual and the strength of your partner AND your partnership.  There is anxiety of how you will survive, how you will keep this baby alive, and how you won't drive the people around you completely insane in the process. They bring families together and, whether you want it or not, they shove a support system down your throat that you may initially resent but will come to love and count on.  All of this remains true once your child is brought out to the light of day. All of this will remain true for the rest of your life. 

Especially the bodily fluids and anxiety part. 

Pregnancy and delivery are exhausting. You will be tired and you will want to cry (a lot), but you will keep on going because the finish line is riiiiight there. You will wonder what is going on with this creature you are growing inside you and what the hell it is doing to your body.  Parenting is pretty much the same...except the kid is on the outside now and eventually learns to talk back. You will still keep going and trucking along because now at least you have something to appreciate your hard work, right? Right.

So, you might think that pregnancy and delivery are the simple process of incubating a tiny human for nine months and then expelling it from your exhausted body. You would be only partially correct.  Those two things are the violent and sudden bash over the head temporary concussion that will  make the sleepless nights, copious amounts of bodily fluids (I really can't stress the bodily fluids part enough....it never really stops just gets marginally less disgusting), anxiety, joy, pride, and chest bursting love mixed with heart stopping terror over the next...well...lifetime seem like the most normal and temperate thing on the face of the planet. 

It's a wild ride no matter what.  And totally worth it.

To Zack and Courtney, hold on tight, kids, and you'll be fine.

To Jaxxon, give 'em hell and you will be AMAZING.