Thursday, March 14, 2013

Mobs, Mayhem, and Medicinal Fugue State

Every spring it happens. Every Spring without fail it happens. The attacks begin. Attacks on me. There are attacks on my children. Hell, even my kitten isn't safe! This yearly assault never surprises me, but it always makes me agitated and, in truth, really pathetic for a few days. Not only am I pathetic, the kids are miserable and pathetic. There's coughing and sneezing and germs and snot and tissues everywhere.  Noses are red and raw. I sound like I've been gargling gravel. The kids just mope around and eat whatever I have the energy to throw together for them. Not that we can taste food during this blatant and malevolent assault. OTC allergy medicines are no match for this menace. Even my insomnia is angry about this!  I can't sleep because I can't breathe but the medicine makes me really groggy and I can't focus on anything. My eyes itch so I can't draw and typing coherent thought is the greatest trial of my day, but...well...I felt like kvetching (look it's Yiddish). And so here we are.

*sigh*  Every. Damn. Year. 
And every year I find myself thinking the same desperate thing.  "Why can't I just destroy all the pine trees? Why can't I protect myself and my family from these evil pollinating bastards?"  And, of course, the annoyingly rational part of my brain reminded me that pine trees are excellent for building and documents and that people would most likely be a tad upset at the mass destruction of ideal, easily replaceable lumber.  I mean, what would they make their shelves out of?   Or their chairs?!  And can you imagine the public relations fiasco it would cause?  Greenpeace nut jobs knocking down my door.  Government lobbyists would start protesting. Witty catch phrases would be created against me. Even the Christian Coalition can get in on the action since I would have eliminated their source for protest posters!  Then the lumber mills are pissed off because I have destroyed their primary source material.  Same for the paper mills.  And what would we do without paper?!  No one would be able to function.  The world would suddenly truly be paperless!!  Entire industries would be null and void (my dad's job and mine for instance).  Heavier reliance on computers begins.  Leading to great technological discoveries and a distinct decline in the activity level of adults AND children seeing as they don't have to walk to a printer anymore. Or leave the house.  Everything can be done on the computer.  If we're very lucky, nanotechnology would finally find it's true stride. The date was wrong but we would most likely see the rise of the machines! Skynet lives!! Of course there would be a hard cell of resistance leaders seeking to help save humanity and civilization from it's own folly.  These saviors would launch a series of guerrilla warfare attacks in an attempt to halt the destruction of mankind by soulless machines and computers.  In the end, I am being touted as the Antichrist and hunted by a mob with pitch forks and torches.


Once again, my grandiose plans for the eternal remedy to my seasonal allergy problem is thwarted by my disinclination to being dismembered by a blood thirsty mob.

-Nerdy (drugged up and suffering) Goth

P.S. If all goes well, I can be drawing again soon and, hey, at least this makes for good art fodder, right?

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