Monday, January 24, 2011

An Open Letter To Cliffy B (aka Cliff Bleszinski of Epic Games)

Dear Cliffy B, 

I recently watched several videos heralding your soon to be released video game, "Bulletstorm". In these videos were many...MANY promises of a singularly BADASS game complete with screen footage of aforementioned badassery. Through the strategic use of amusingly profane verbiage and really pretty graphics,
you have me psyched, pumped, and, dare I say it, fucking excited for this game. And I don't get excited for just any shooter game.

Did I play Gears of War? Hell no. Not interested.

Unreal Tournament? Screw you. Not even gonna look twice.

But BULLETSTORM?! You had me at the first mention of kicking down a door in order to squish the poor bastard on the other side. My passion for this as yet unknown quantity peaked with the use of the leash to toss three fuckers sky high before shooting them down. Explosions, electrocution, blunt force trauma, and copious amounts of blood and destruction?! You sure do know how to charm a girl, Mr. Bleszinski.

Here's my message to you, Cliffy B: You. Better. Deliver.

Should you fall short on your ample promises and my consequently puffed up expectations, I will come to your house and shove my size 11 boot right into your fun bits.

I want this game to be the over the top, out of this world, extravaganza of violence and action you have promised me. I want it to BLOW MY FUCKING SOCKS OFF.

Give me this...or your family jewels are forfeit. And with a demo release on the horizon, we will soon have a pretty good idea on whether or not you will be singing soprano for the foreseeable future.

Sincerely yours,

Nerdy Goth Girl


WTF is the kill that gets the "GAG REFLEX" tag?! Seriously...don't let me down Cliffy B.

1 comment:

  1. Disclaimer: The views and opinions of the NerdyGothGirl do not necessarily reflect the views of this HouseMonkey and it's management. Unreal Tournament was effin' sweet. - Spook